i’m not hungover, but is it bad that i want to be? just to justify doing nothing, even though i do indeed have things to do. 

thankfully i don’t have to work today, as i would have to get ready to get going, granted i might have to go to the bus station and pick my boyfriend up - still no news on to if that is happening- bless ‘im he means well in trying to let me know what’s going on…

i could clean my room, and the mere fact that i’m listening to justin timberlake is good indication i will get off my ass and start my day; but maybe after this song. 

(half the time i just assume where punctuation goes, i use it like sprinkles on a cake. “does it look good here?”)

my blog is called “po’” for a reason, i’m exceptionally and unequivocally bad with money, except in all cases, of all people that are like me, i’m incredibly good at spending it and spending it in all the wrong places; i can save it, however, if at the end of the tunnel there is a plane ticket to far off places attached. case in point, this past feburary, when it took me 4 months of intense saving and fumbling around with bill payments for me to save 1500 CND to get to and from and in sydney australia to visit my now boyfriend (‘cause then it was this warm fuzzy place that we didn’t talk about).

so here we are, livin’ on the edge of poverty, fucked for all forms of money, only paying rent by the skin of my teeth, and no parental help to be seen (and i certainly will not ask), and hoping, praying, and waiting with baited breath to see if my government issued id comes in the mail (because, Oh - fucking - yeah, my wallet with my ONLY piece of government id was stolen) so that i can at last gain some semblance of ground with regards to my debt, and pay for school. i’m almost tempted to hire (haha with what money?!) a witch doctor to conjure some money, or at the very least turn my bad zsu zsu around to good zsu zsu, because the past few months i’ve had the worst luck; a bird shit on me, and if another person tells me “its good luck” i’m going to scream, because its still another living creature relieving itself on me, SHITTING. ON. ME. so far i haven’t really seen too much “good luck” coming from this bird that shit on me, what i have seen though is much of the same, save for an extension on a paper i was late due to neglecting all responsibility in favor of a weekend of cuddles from my fella who i don’t get to see despite the fact that he came from australia to canada to study-we are still 2hrs apart, and can only really see each other every other weekend at best because i work weekends, and well its expensive to truck back and forth, so when we see each other, the world kind of halts, rather it keeps moving, but we stop. 

that being said, he is not here, so my world is moving at warp speed with no anchor, and i have way too much to do, and far too little time to do it. 

do you ever find yourself in a situation that is like, bliss? and then think about the not so long ago past and think…huh, that was a poor life choice? and then furthermore want to punch the person who would say that cliche about hindsight? 

feeling that now…

to be quite frank, its a summer morning, and i’m not so much lost, as i am cloudy with a high chance of blowing my nose all day, and no chance of a handsome kiwi man to cuddle with…soon though, maybe wednesday as per my sext (sex-text) i so drunkenly typed out. 

i don’t remember what i last posted, but since i last posted, i’ve moved down town and my parents couldn’t be more unhappy; such is life. 

things that should be addressed by both myself and the world around me:

-i have a dr jeckle/mr. hyde thing going on when i drink. my dr. j is this fun, “i’ll do more shots than anyone on the dance floor dancing queen” and my mr. hyde is the confronting “fuck right off, or i’ll fuck you up” to (often) men more than 3 times my size and out weigh me by at least 200lbs; regardless in such a state, my belief is that i could in fact “take them”. 

the issue here is, mr. hyde NEEDS to be put down. generally mr. hyde (or should i say miss hyde?) makes an appearance when a particular dumb ass makes a crass comment or rubs on me too much when i’m standing and it isn’t crowed. like last night, g and i were walking and some creepo asked if he could give us some condoms so that we could use them. miss hyde promptly responded with something like “fuck right off, and suck my dick”, those choice words among others were used, but typically those are the combination of words that fly out miss hyde’s mouth. 

when i am sober i’m typically quite timid, and not the most physically strong person you would meet, quite the opposite really i’m what you would call “willowy”. 

what i need to do, because i myself am very fed up with miss hyde’s behavior is, i need to make a conscious effort of just chill, chill and realize that like me, they are probably drunk or intoxicated in another way and aren’t probably the wicked fiend miss hyde thinks they are on a regular basis, and if they are, my 30 second encounter with them is just that: a 30 second encounter that is less than a blip in my life. so with that zen-like realization in mind from here on out i will have a choke-hold on miss hyde and just chill.

-second thing, nothing to do with me and everything to do with the tyra banks show. it makes no sense…well duh, given i know, but i often wonder do she and her producers know? i had a day off, and i always try to christen a new place by watching live! with regis and kelly and those types of shows when i have a day off during the week, so between live! with regis and kelly and the view (which i decided i didn’t have the patience to sit through, so i’m actually missing it now) i came across the tyra show, and just remind myself what it feels like to have my brain seep out my ears i flipped to it. so it opened up with talking about the economic state of the US and how there is a difference between being frugal and a smart spender and just being cheap, they had a couple whose relationship was being tested because the husband was so cheap, then after commercial…it talked about working mothers going back to school and wining online uni scholarships, then after that commercial break it talked about a boy genius. wait! wasn’t the show about people who are being cheapskates as opposed to smart spenders and what they could do? oh tyra, you got me again! 

well those are the two issues at hand, now onwards with my day!

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought?

“good enough”

2. How much cash do you have on you?

maybe 10$

3. What’s a word that rhymes with DOOR?

floor

4. Favorite planet?

i like echinacea plants

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone?

…not sure?

6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone?

one that sounds like a fucking phone ringing.

7. What shirt are you wearing?

a purple v-neck shirt/dress?

8. Do you label yourself?

a slacker/hack

9. Name the brand of the shoes you’re currently wearing?

skin, none.

10. Bright or Dark Room?

nothing, everything hurts my head right now.

11. What do you think about the person who took this survey before you?

i don’t know who they are, i just googled a survey, it was all very random. i’m sure they are good people though, all the best. cheers.

12. What does your watch look like?

a cell phone

13. What were you doing at midnight last night?

pretty much what i’m doing now…no, wait, i was on a bus home.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say?

“i can see and understand both sides, i had no intention of hurting your feelings”

15. Where is your nearest 7-11?

we don’t have 7-11’s here, we have “quickies”

16. What’s a word that you say a lot?

its a combo of the words “suck” “my” “dick”.

17. Who told you he/she loved you last?

i don’t remember. its been awhile.

18. Last furry thing you touched?

…probably my cat?

19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days?

none.

20. How many rolls of film do you need developed?

none

21. Favorite age you have been so far?

i’ve enjoyed them all at some point, right now just sucks, not the age.

22. Your worst enemy?

credit cards

23. What is your current desktop picture?

a screen cap of cinderella and prince charming

24. What was the last thing you said to someone?

“well you’ve done tons!”

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly what would it be?

oooh tough, i’d take the million. pay off debt, invest, make more millions and buy the secret to learning how to fly. 

26. Do you like someone?

YUP

27. The last song you listened to?

blue bolivar blues (take one) thelonious monk

28. What time of day were you born?

the late afternoon

29. What’s your favorite number?
11

30. Where did you live in 1987?

winnipeg manitoba?

31. Are you jealous of anyone?

kind of, but not really, its more i’m jealous of people with reallly nice shoes and bags.

32. Is anyone jealous of you?

not that i’m aware of, there isn’t much to be jealous over.

33. Where were you when 9/11 happened?

grade 10 civics class.

34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money?

figure its karma, and that i deserved it.

35. Do you consider yourself kind?

no, i mean i think i am, but i think its only because i’m socialized fairly well. most of the time i want to be an agent of karma and hurt morons.

36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be?

i don’t HAVE to get a tattoo, i’d prefer to keep my frame alabaster. 

37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be?

i’d really just like to master the ones i’m learning right now. 

38. Would you move for the person you loved?

Yes. yes. yes.

39. Are you touchy feely?

depends how much alcohol i’ve consumed, or how much i like the person i’m being touchy feely with.

40. What’s your life motto?

its probably my fault, and i deserved it.

41. Name three things that you have on you at all times?

passport, wallet, cellphone/ipod

42. What’s your favourite town/city?

there are too many i haven’t seen to pick a favorite.

43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash?

that wheatgrass confection i made the mistake of getting today.

44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it?

….

45. Can you change the oil on a car?

knowing me i’d probably put vegetable oil in the car. 

46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her?

he said he understood, and it was no problem. 

47. How far back do you know about your ancestry?

i know that my grandpa on my mom’s side’s family were hat makers. 

48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy?

i don’t do fancy clothing. so i don’t remember, maybe it was a wedding?

49. Does anything hurt on your body right now?
my head hurts like a mutha.

50. Have you been burned by love?

fo’ sho’

as i sink further into this nasty web of procrastination, here is a list on what i have been procrastinating:

-explaining to my parents that i’m moving out, i’ve done so for about a month, i move out next sunday.

-both my final papers, one is due monday evening, it must be at most 15 pages long, minimal 12(?) i have maybe 3 pages done. 

-cleaning

-packing

-finding small ways of getting the cash flow started other than working (this is so low on the totem pole of what is important)

i am so stressed that my body is probably sick with the flu, but it has allowed me to keep a healthy frame of mind to get work done, all the while throughout the day i get-every-so-often-horrible sickening pains in my abdomen that i want to vomit, but can’t so i just sit there in this half slumped position, while my co-worker asks if i should be at home so as to not get her sick. 

so far, in my journey of life i’m winning, clearly. 

i am pathetic enough to die via drinking too much red bull; for the past three thursday’s i buy a 4 pack of red bull and drink two cans, at the very least, and buzz around my house until about 230 in the morning, maybe 3, because by then i force myself to sleep. i hate sleeping when the sun comes up, i’d rather just stay up until the next time i’m “supposed” to go to sleep. 

things i’m trying not to enjoy:

-“bionic” album by xtina aguilera

-*cough*painting*cough*

i feel that communists and socialists often forget about human nature, one will always dominate another, and the elite few typically will always dominate the masses-where has communism effectively worked for the benefit of people (on a large scale)? as well, where has the elite few within the tenants of communism never taken full control (for their own benefit) in order to maintain control?

democracy has is flaws and certainly its fair share of corruption, but one of the positive facets of democracy is that the masses are able to question authority on a public scale and perhaps bring about change, therefore, making democracy truly about the people-everyone has equal opportunity to speak for or against their democratically elected government. 

so, i’m listening to “breakfast” by le le and it gave me a thought, because part of the song goes “bitch, you’re breakfast” which is cool, makes me laugh. but, it does come from the pick-up like “how do you like your eggs in the morning?” (one, that line rarely works UNLESS you are australian/or from new zealand) it made me think about being in a club, and getting my dance on, and you see a cutie and you want to dance up on ‘im, which makes dancing fun when you can interact, but it also does not mean that i will go home with you. 

which brings me back to the previous post, i’m a discerning hot mess, i get my drank on, and sure parts of my nights are hazy, and yes i have texts that are from who i think are strangers saying: “oh its me, that guy you made out with on a rooftop”; that does also not constitute a date for the future, it simply means you were there, and i was there and our faces met in the middle; enjoy your hangover the next day. 

i can’t say i go to the club to meet people, i go to the club with my girls for some good wholesome drinking, dancing and flirting, never to meet my soul mate or to hook up. i’m not saying you can’t meet your soul mate, i’m just saying that you will probably meet someone who drunk, was a great kisser, but sober, their skill do not pay the bills. 

in lieu of the inspiration for this post i present “breakfast” by le le.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-zfbDHipG8